The Perfect parent is the one that does not have children, and with this statement I will start this article! So much to say about this deep and profound sentence…
When I didn’t have babies, I was so perfect, I knew how every parent should raise a happy child, what to do, what not to do. From my inexperienced perspective I could see all so clear and simple, how to discipline, schedules, consistency and so on.
Then, I found out I was pregnant! I received as a gift the first book: What to expect when you are expecting, (the one that all future mom get as soon as they know they are pregnant) and then more recommendations and bought other books. I was reading and taking notes, imagining how we were going to implement every strategy, every detail. My plan was rigid, specific, without room for errors or sudden changes.
Oh I was in for a big surprise!
I bought around 3 Montessori books to start educating myself about the Montessori philosophy, I loved it right away, it made perfect sense to me, for my life values, spiritual practice and life style. Then… Saimir was born! He was born at 38 weeks via a scheduled C-section, as soon as I had my little bundle of joy in my hands, my mind went blank, I didn’t remembered anything that I read; immediately my mother instincts kicked in and I became a full mammal, an animal!
The first three months where the hardest, I was feeling crazy most of the time, happy, confused, extremely tired, overwhelmed, sad… how can someone feel this way after experiencing the most incredible event of our life? becoming a mother… Guess what, none of the books that I read talked about the truth of motherhood, the dark side of becoming a mom! also, as soon as I was a mom, I started to do all the things I used to judge other parents for doing, this was one of the most eye opening lesson; to really not judge if you are not in their shoes, if you are not them, better not to judge at all! ha, this was profound, my AHA moment! or… one of many…and the ones that are to come.
Saimir teached me every day what to do, that was God’s plan, to make me look into his huge beautiful eyes and read his heart, his soul. The communication began between us in a beautiful way, we were connected! That’s when waves of information of all the things I read would come and go. At this point, I would take what I needed and deleted the rest and I deleted most of the outside information.
My hands on experience was the best instructor. I learned to be flexible, go with the flow and release all expectations of what a mom should be and how that looked like.
What I needed to do from the beginning was to relax and wait, a mother was born the day Saimir was born; and with her birth, was the death of living a life from the outside in; Instead, I started looking in my heart for all the answers and I found even more that I could ever imagined.
Each day would bring the lessons and answers required for my evolution and I was guided step by step, I just had to trust the process and my instincts.
Twenty months later, my daughter Gaia was born, she was a sweet surprise. I had a baby in diapers and a newborn! Fun times! I thought I knew it all pretty much and then my second teacher came, made me erase everything I knew and we started on a clean slate.
It wasn’t a “copy/paste” experience, it was all new to me again. How to take care of two children/babies 101… without a tribe!
Honestly, a humbling experience, empowering and so many more adjectives that are hard for me to translate since I think in Spanish!
To conclude, I love, love, love being a mom, the mother of two brilliant souls that chose me, yes me! To give them love, model compassion, be an example in all of my actions; also provide them with an adequate and beautiful environment that fit their individual needs, they are very, very different from each other, what works with Saimir does not work with Gaia, and this keeps me on my toes!
At 38 years old I am raising toddlers while many friends have their kid on Senior year. It is challenging, my days are, but also full of opportunities.
If you are a first time mom, trust yourself, follow your heart, you will make it, they will survive! You are doing great, the best that you can, and when you think you have it all down packed…surprise, surprise!!
Love & Light,
Raisa Espinet Batista